thoughts « Point of Reflection

Birthday Moments

Filed in Baruah Chronicles | Blog | Humor 2 Comments

Well, I could not come up with a better name than that.
Birthdays, a time which I consider a very private and special moment meant to share with Special people and I am glad that group is getting larger slowly. It means that I have learnt to receive many blessings of moments from others.

I missed S who has migrated to the US. We had formed a tiny ritual of always meeting on our bdays and showering each other with not one but many silly gifts. Its not about the gifts but the love with which both of us took the pain to get for each other and both of us would find something special which we always wanted.. I have not found that in any other friend but then we are kindred spirits … yes we are… so well, she not to be outdone by distance like me, made it a point to make her presence known via online gifting service, who called me several times….

From the signal opposite my workplace, 3 times,asking me to come and collect the gift, leading me to a wrong place to collect it and then finally having me give up and asking him to come over to the 5th floor at work.. GAH..

When I saw what he got, I immediately knew it was none other than S.

Well, bless you !! I never missed you more… but I could feel your love all the way from Dulles.

Yeah the card with lot of writing is pending.. She always makes it a point to give me a card writing out her thoughts which I have kept across the years… And yeah I do the same, even when I am lazy, she makes sure I do the same… since I also like it that way..

So S, I really was warmed by your touching me from so far across.. with cakes,flowers, gifts, teddy bear.

A and family, I thank you for your cakes and flowers as well… Love to the little one.. I remember you doing your bit to cheer me up last time in Old Magazine House as well.. appreciated that.

So as I am driving from one office to another, bliss in my mind, generally happy, I take a uturn and there is this young somewhat goodlookin cop who stops me and shows me the No Uturn board. Sigh.. ‘

I had an empty wallet and when he asked me to pay up, I said I did not have money. He did not believe me and out came the Inspector from a funny hiding place between two posts. I waited. This was a typical fight or flight situation. I decided I will do neither and settled in for inquisition and negotiation.

Deep breath In : Deep Breath Out and with the best helpless yet positive and honest smile that I could manage, I greeted the Inspector.

Inspector (mumbling) : So Madam !! you see you have to pay 100/-

Me (showing him an empty wallet) : Look Sir, no money. Do you have a swiping machine via which I could pay ?

Inspector (looks at me weirdly) : No machine but you have to pay 100/-

Me (again showing him an empty wallet) : its the end of the month and I really have not gone to the ATM to get cash. Look sir, I am not lying. ( all the time smiling sheepishly)

Inspector (scratches his head): He peers into my car and sees that my car does not have any elements he can flick. ( I keep my car pretty functional without any knick knacks. ) He peers out and peers in again.

Madam : Give me your license. !

Me : I give him my license. Sir, today is my birthday and I am on my way to the office. You see roses and sweets..

Inspector : Smiles . OK OK…. So Madam, where are you from. Pallavi Bhaskara. (Ok I have been called Bwawa, Baruca, Brawa, but well, yet another version of my title Bhaskara for Baruah : And my ID is bold and big for them to read)

Me : I am from here. ( it was on the tip of my tongue to correct him but what the heck !! I played along)

Inspector : Where is Bhaskara working ?

Me : Bhaskara is working here.

Inspector : (Pause) So…… you a Mallu.( my Mallu friends were teasing me that maybe Mallus are damn care drivers, so the assumption)

Me (without blinking my eye) : No I am a Kannadiga and Bhaskara is also a Kannadiga.

Inspector : Good good. Ok Madam you have to give 100/-

Me (tapping inside my brain for patience) : Sir, I have flowers , please take them. I dont have money right now. ( I give him the flowers)

Inspector (jumping back) : No No !! ( well it was just flowers.. !! :O ) then another Pause… peers again inside the car. Ok Madam !! give me your phone number .

Me ( hesitant and tempted to give a wrong number but does not) : I give him my phone number. He immediately calls up and my phone rings. He looks to verify. That saves me. If I had given the wrong number, it would have worsened my case.

Inspector Ok Madam, I will call you.

Me What is your name Sir ? 909283283 is your number ?

Inspector Wait Madam, you are too fast. Yes thats my number and my name is Manjunatha.

Me Ok Manjunath, please call me and come by and pick up your 100/-

Inspector yes madam, I will call you..

Me : I start my car and they suddenly become very enthusiastic and wish me loudly

HAPPY NEW YEAR HAPPY NEW YEAR …HAPPY BIRTHDAY !! ( Happy new Year ???? )

I drive off with a smile interested to see what will happen next…..

2 days Later : I get a call from this cop. Madam, I want to meet you ( I was like : Well thats a good start) I ask him if he wants the money. He says yes. I tell him that my Husband and my father were waiting to give him the money and call him to a particular landmark. He reaches the Landmark and does not come further. I tell him to come by so many times, but he wants me to meet him. In that pull and push conversation, I tell him to come to my office the next day.

I think he got scared when he heard my husband and father were waiting for him. Funny how some lines can mean a threat even without meaning to.

Well, I am still waiting with 100/- and waiting for him to call.

If he is smart, he will realise that to get that 100/- he is having to spend more than that.. LOLOL.. Poor guy..

Depends, how much 100/- means to him..

Moral of the Story : Honesty and flowers helped me get away without any guilt. So it pays..

Birthday Moments, Conversations, Life, thoughts

01Jan

Mantras that work for me… as I welcome 2011..

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: Image by Poorfish via Flickr

Reading Oprah’s take on Mantras, I was inspired to write a post of my own related to the same. Well what I understand here by “mantras”, is that it is a belief or a prayer or a thought which keeps me going in case of any event which is too overwhelming for me. The thought that grounds me and makes me move forward or lie still till the phase passes.. and I am not talking about the much talked about origin of the word here

2010 has been the most difficult year for me, making it memorable in a bittersweet kind of way and thus affirming my faith in the divine and events that have to pass through.

Obstacles : Delays, obstacles, murphy’s law, you name it and I think I have had a large share of it all last year.. and what kept me going ??

My mantra : Its a phase, it will pass.. Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing.. Remove your association from the obstacle and solutions are easy to focus on..

Loss : Dealing with loss is overwhelming… It bangs you in your face, and after a few numb moments.. as it sinks in, it feels as if there is a big hole.. somewhere..and there is no space to breathe.. it started with mom, friends, things I took for granted.. but yet there it was, I had to be a gracious loser..

My mantra : This is part of your bag that you carry, Accept it and make peace with it. Its alright, its alright to break down, everything will be pieced together slowly… and letting go is part of creating something new.. what you never had cannot be lost… the illusion is in the having.. What I only have is my soul and my inner self.. rest is all part of the world where there is a gain and a loss, a start and an end.. rejoice in the infinity that is my soul… through which I can connect to all that is important to me and keep it with me.. (and I am still working with it )

Intolerance : Watching people earn money the underhanded way back home and coming and preaching about how I needed to run my life…as I grieved, while I sat and was forced to listen to them .. and also listened when these very people…pretended to care when they really did not and pretended to stand by… when all they wanted was to have a good time with food.. while I watched on.. sorely tempted to judge.. .yet…

My mantra : These souls belong somewhere in my family tree and what they do is their choice and how they behave is their choice… they will never understand why I do or act a certain way that I do.. and to them I could be equally alien…( That brought a smile inside me.. ) So listen and know that they are also part of the superconsciousness that I come from.. so chill.. Stop Judging.. !! Be detached!! This is supposed to be social networking, the old way, and that is how they comfort each other..

Hatred : Well cannot tell myself, how interested I am when I come across hatred towards me. Its the easiest emotion to read.

Mantra : Your greatest teacher to tolerance and detachment.. And I keep telling myself.. you cannot please all.. I can only be compassionate ( which is tough mind you) and just move on to more useful activities to reduce the temptation to reciprocate.. and also accept that I must have had some reason to bring forth this feeling.. that means, I still have to work on myself… it tells me that I have so much more to do..

Restlessness : When I knew that no matter what I did, I could not see myself in the old job, it started with restlessness and no matter what I did, there was this inexpressible urge to move on.. and that I had done what I had to do with one of my best jobs..I had everything I wanted.. well almost but all best things also come to an end.. the letting go bit was painful and slow.. and though I knew it was time, I had to wait for the right time and opportunity and the waiting was biting..

My mantra : I will go where I am needed the most and I will get just the right opportunity and I was very grateful for my old job sustaining me and taking me to where I stood today.. Each day I show my gratefulness to the place where I was and I pray to take me to where I need to be.. where I will be most useful..

Lies : I think last year, I was confronted with so many lies that I was loath to hold on to the belief that there are honest and ethical souls in this word… Some soul actually lied about his grandmother dying to get what he wanted. So many souls lied to get what they wanted, I was quite confounded.. and again, I was tempted to judge…

Mantra : Here NLP helped me a lot. I remembered and held on to that thought that souls lied because they had a good reason to and my being there would not make a difference.. the root was what mattered.. so it was easy to actually not to hold it against them. As long at it did not affect me, it was fine.. I guess..

Joy : Unexpected occasions of joyful moments.. here and there.. just went to show that with tough also came good.. and vice versa.

Mantra : Do not get too attached to it.. enjoy it for a second and let it go…. with gratefulness… extreme gratefulness and with humble acceptance of blessings.. which manifested in joy… the cup always runneth with joy as well as sorrow…never with only one.. two sides of the coin..

I reflect back and I see that this year though tough has been one of my most formative years as well.. Being in the moment taught me to focus on whats right and fair not only for me but for other parties as well, and at the same time, not overreact to things which really tempt me to.. its an impulse.. instead work one second at a time.. patience and faith pays.. and mantras or your beliefs as a result of your faith, ground you… and lets you be the one that you are meant to be rather that what you react to be.. .:) Its been an enriching time.. and I am still learning… Its not perfect yet.. impulses flow, reactions enact, yet… I go back to what I believe..

I cannot forget to dedicate all that I have learnt to all the souls who was responsible in their own way to shape my thoughts.. the good as well as the tough.. I am grateful for that as well.. Could not have done this alone.. it was meant to be just the way it was.. no regrets…

Mantra : Be thankful, you have lived through this and can hold a smile without trembling.. be grateful that you can sleep peacefully… Be joyous that you lived to see the beautiful winter and all that goes with it…. : There is so much more, you have to learn.. its just another layer uncovered of the so many thousands of layers of being that I have.. This is nothing..

My many imperfections will definitely bring in more and more opportunity to test me to get the much required karma coins that I have to earn… and with that mantra, I welcome 2011.. !!! I have a long way to go… and this is just the start… there is a whole incline ahead…

And with that motivation I start my new year… hoping that whatever it brings forth, I am steady and grounded.. and grateful for being able to wake up to each new day… and holding to that thought that my hope , my faith, my beliefs carry me through the next decade… and make me what I am here in this lifetime to be…

Wishing all my readers a very Happy New Year !! May it bring you closer to your dreams and bring you peace and prosperity.. A thousand times over..

experience, future, Life, personal wisdom, thoughts

30Jun

My 10 lessons that I have unlearned.

Filed in Blog | personal | Thoughts 4 Comments

I was inspired by this article to jot down something of my own.. some of the lessons that I had to unlearn and which strengthened my belief about how I want to live.Again, this is very personal and its perfectly fine if this is totally contrary to what some think. This works for me and it has helped me, hence thought about sharing..

1. Education is the most important thing as we grow up. Well this was drilled into me and as I made this my first priority, as I lived into the adult stage, I did see that it was more important to be a good human being. If you always were a topper and did not really care much to feel for or share with the weaker ones, that sets a pattern in work and in real life.Maybe this was true when education meant employment and was available for only few. But now as we evolve, I have seen with life examples with friends and clients as well that in the pursuit of the “good education” they somehow lost out on life, family and friends in someway or the other.. Education is important but this aspect needs to be balanced with the growth of the personality and self-development as well through experiences, self and the people around us.

2. Respect your elders. Yes, that was good advice but I did see that we do not have to take crap from elders who have no respect for themselves or for me. I did try and heed this advice but after a while of me” bashing for no reason whatsoever from some, I did change the process and decided that it does not hold true for everyone.I would rather say ” Respect all human beings, young and old, poor or rich, strong or weak, ALL of them” but heck do something to stand up to people who are out to get you, just because they have age or social status above you. It does not need a negative approach but a sane, detached and firm approach showing them that they cannot mess around just because they share the same blood or have some “up” on you. Firmness with diplomacy, helps. It did and still does with me. And I don’t even have to get into any fights or arguments.. and I don’t entertain the same with anyone..anymore..

3. I need my space. Well, I did realize, that its all good about space and everything but at the end, if we keep insisting on space, we will end up very lonely and confused. Space is very illusory. I found that I could be my own woman without the need to stress my femininity or the lack of it with anyone. I got my space, if I was smart enough to arrange my life accordingly with my family and friends and with babysitting the young uns.This need for space will always be there if the woman/man always feels she is restricted..

Change the belief and imagine that you are all powerful and resourceful to do anything that you want. Be a wanton lover, a flirt, a wonderful wife, a friend, a mother, a good daughter, a respected daughter in law, a high flying executive and yet have some space for yourself to do things that you love on your own.. its all about rearranging.. I find. The key is to always keep some time for yourself and not go into that sacrificing mode of be all and do all.. You will be perceived that way and soon you will realize that you are in a trap, a trap that you created yourself and start the process of cribbing and wanting out.. Be smart and always have something to do on your own.. Goes for both men and women.

For a man, its about doing things he loves and yet bonds with the family.. and there he goes..The moment we believe in the lack of space, we will always be desperate for it and in that process alienate the very condition that we are happy to be in.. so that could be anything that you want.. its not about space, its about YOU being comfortable with YOU and making time for YOU.

4. Pleasing everyone makes you a better person. The more people you please, the better person you are. Well for me, I did realize that at first its all great. The parties, being popular, having a jazzy personality, and all the blah at work and at play, but at the end of the day, it did not connect me to myself. I was losing out on my choices to be with people I really wanted to be with, talk with, or just hang out with. It did not need a psychic to tell me that I needed to change the way I lived.So now I have good friends around me who I consciously choose to be with and grow with some substance. And most of all, I find, I am very comfortable since I am going with my choice and not forced by social rules. I see that I automatically attract like minded people by just being me and yes, if you are genuine, you will still be known for the right reasons.

5. All my spouses best friends are my best friends and vice versa. This is the most notorious of them all. Hahaha !! No it does not work and the moment I realized the conflict of interest, I did make a conscious decision that its better to be acquaintances or good social connects with them. Keeps the interaction happy and hassle free. There are exceptions who have connected to me personally but mostly it is all good if there is this line of civility there. Different background, different histories, different perceptions, and well it is all good.. to respect that and accept it and bond with one’s own pals.. makes life easier.. LOL

6. Burning my bras gives me power. Well no sireee… I went there and the world looked pretty bleak and depressing.. LOL. Femininity is all good when it is balanced. I need the men in my life and not in my life to make me feel good about being a woman.. Hahaha !! So well I would rather keep them bras where they belong. So I would object to a woman being treated unfairly and all that but I would say that all men are not bad and all women are not weak and we all have the power to live for ourselves. Its important to recognize it and use it well. I would rather focus on figuring out how to not destroy the balance and yet be a part of the very system that I belong, the smart way. Believe me ! there are so many ways one can do that.

7. What will people think ? Thats a refrain I used to hear from my folks at home and in my family and around me. I used to follow this rule and then again, it did not take me long to figure out that if I go with this thought, the imaginary “people” will always rule my life and I will not have a brain of my own. I started making my own way and well yes, “the people” talked, bitched, degraded, etc and they will go on but I am happy that they do not have any more voice than another stranger barking some stupid breaking news on the channel.So again, its important that we know the rules of the system and live around it according to our choices, without needing to be an outcast but at the same time live with dignity and happiness. And the very people, would say like one of them commented to me after barking at me for a while and me ignoring it calmly and smiling it away ” leave it, she will not listen and she will do her own thing ” Well at least, it got into that head that I will do my own thing which will not embarrass anyone and yet fulfill the purpose of the task. So I do think of the people with lot of respect and yes I think about myself too with lot of respect.. Works well..

8. If someone helps you at your very bad time, anything is ok with that person. I had this opinion, that if someone helped me at my bad time, I would give my life for that person. And I lived by it. I still live by it. But its interesting to note how we do not learn to make the difference between help, a good advice and interference. As I again lived from being a rebellious student to a working woman, I did note that help is something and gratefulness is something. But letting that helpful person take advantage of your gratefulness is something else.

So my point is, be grateful but keep your bearings in mind.. don’t let that give ultimate power to the person to control your life. An altruistic soul would not dream of encroaching your privacy. But 99 % keeps looking for opportunity of how to use that gratefulness to their advantage. This is a topic, I keep having long arguments with my father. And it pains me to see that he still goes by that old adage.. and that’s dangerous in current living scenario.

9. I have to keep doing something to be happy. I had this belief that being on my own was very lonely. And I had hordes of friends always. And I felt very scared when I was free with nothing to do. The power of be with myself and have a life with just myself has enabled me to discover so much about the self and I am still in that process.. So I would rather see this as I have to keep creating something wonderful with myself and everything around me to be happy and that is limitless and timeless.Sometimes it could be as easy as thinking and doing NOTHING.

10. If something does not work, give it up: there are more options. This pertains to conflicting relationships at work and at play. More so at work. If things did not get solved at a particular time frame, I would look out for another job and keep hopping.. Well, what do you say ?? I found that the same situations keep getting repeated in different forms and feels till there is no place to run. And its good to wait it out and close it .In some cases, I waited it out and then built a strategy around it to beat this. Of course, in many cases, I have let go since it was beyond repair but I did see that if I let it go and detached myself and keeping a objective view of that situation, it would repair itself without much damage.

Again, there have been times, I had to just let go and that’s it.. But when I do get that feeling, my insides tells me that its alright.. And its ok to do that.. That way, its also a closure but not without trying.So my point is : If something does not work at your job, look at it different options around you to make it work. Apply it and move on. Do not give up without trying or without evaluating thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. If all else fails, then a new opportunity will blossom and you are good to go to the next phase.For people, give them space, take some space,for yourself and in the work sphere, it all comes around. Personally, its OK to not get along with people, I have more of a choice, but its not OK to judge the people who I did not get along with for what they are and how they interact. This helps me is seeing them as just another soul like me trying to do things right in their own way.