Point of Reflection

Inner Space does not mean inner peace :)

Posted on August 22, 2010 by Pallavi Baruah

So its been a while between posts… sometimes, when too many things keep happening in random, think the daily creativity or the daily thought processes become random as well and many other thought processes take shape.. and being sick has made me a wee bit maudlin I think… I do not want to do the correct thing… I just want to ramble… ( Snifff Snifff)

Having relatives is a joy as well as sometimes exhausting. Even though I love them so much.. it is very evident that whatever I do, I always fall short.. Spend money on them, I am a spendthrift, get them all they want to eat, I am overdoing on the eating… take them shopping or generally on an outing, taking care of them by making them as comfortable as they can be, still I am always not so good as their some other niece who earns some x lacs of money and has some fancy home and inlaws living abroad.. oh and has a flat with 7 rooms in it..

It does not matter that this so called niece does not give a damn about this couple who are so dear to me. Their map of me is not my reality but I am so tired of it all…

I realise that its useless showing them how much I care by giving all of it… I cannot and do not want to compare to the so called niece or nephew who have so called big money and whatever…

Sometimes, I think as we age and with sudden static exposures to the genereation x, the labelling of success does come with what material things and real estate one owns..

I tried with respect to show that all the money and fame does not matter if at the end of the day, you are not with your loved ones and are not happy personally.

I tried to show them that it is not money but an unconditional loving heart that will take ALL of someone’s idiosyncracies, tantrums, accusations, some judgements on our lifestyle, and a whole lot of chaos that loved ones bring, with a pinch of salt and still love them anyways, to give them anything, anything, what the heart desires… and make it a reality for them, even if I do not earn x lacs of amt from some x organistaion and do not have inlaws living abroad…

Then the logical me puts it down to their experiences and beliefs that its a sin to spend money to make oneself happy, a soul which has experienced richest of the rich to the utter low of poverty, its no wonder that all that comes with money comes with guilt….

But why the comparison ? Sometimes, I wonder, why not be happy with what one has.. therein lies the key to contentment…

I am happy with what little I have and extremely grateful for the same.. and I have been successful to be okay with cheap shots that relatives take.. but somehow maybe because I love this soul so much, it hurts to think that I cannot satisfy her in anyways…

Damned if I do, damned if I dont… therein lies the irony of my reailty… and I have to accept it and I have accepted it…

It took me a while to accept relatives of all cadres, greedy, vindictive, loving, selfish, kind, wise…. and remove all of the adjectives from them and see them as they are.. I see them as souls…who are also going about their life doing what they believe is right.. It took me a while to seperate them from my reality and online space and keep them in the category of compassionate detachment and love which enables me to co exist with them socially without really getting bothered about them since they do not belong to my inner space. And thats all fine.. I am past it … with all good thoughts and loads of lessons and the understanding that we belong to one big tree and we have to hang together.. even if I decide to hang myself inside deep foliage… I cannot deny the roots… sigh..

It took me a while to let me see as they would see me.. and understand why they would think or feel the way they do … and I do understand.. I am not perfect but I have the power to go beyond my beliefs and create new ones.

But what of the few that belong to my inner space. My only cousin sister, who I cherish the most but who I think hates me the most and puts me through some terrible tests… ( another irony), My only brother, who I would have loved to guide, but he seems to have chosen his own path, and I can only watch helplessly… and my loving aunts who care for me like their own and yet I can never do anything right for some of them… SIgh…

I am tired….. the reactive impulse is to judge and berate, but the love and memories of her knitting me sweaters, memories of her singing to me, swinging me to sleep late into the evening, feeding me and talking to me, telling me stories, making me laugh with her wild expressive jokes in her heydays… now makes me look at her with compassion and I try to take it all in… because I know life has been harsh to her, she is getting old and lives in her own reality…

That is why I think LOVE being one of the most brillant emotion which could take a soul beyond any obstacles can bring so much pain and hurt… so what if the brain understands the reality… and logic but the heart does not want to understand this … just wants some reassurance that no matter what I do, I am ok…. is it too much… yes I think, its too much for souls entrapped in their own realities… and I have to co exist with it…

I have to disassociate… and I do … but the child in me … wants to rush to the warm arms of her loved ones and have them pick me up without much thought and fling me up with joy… and catch me back and put the nose in my belly button tickle me and laugh my sad thoughts out….

Yes… its not difficult to experience this… in my mind… and have that belief as reailty… that cannot be taken away..

So yeah inner space is also filled with chaos.. its good to watch it and then create a sense of acceptance that would seem like order… and move on… Accept and move on…

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Inception : What are you planting inside your mind.. :)

Posted on August 6, 2010 by Pallavi Baruah

: Image by jdxyw via Flickr

Well this post is more about my thoughts rather than the actual movie. But first let me talk about the movie. The movie on the whole was very predictable and very loosely hung lets say. The script has taken some bits of everything and tried to make a unique concept which did not serve the case.

I would not go into too much details, but from my little knowledge of delving with the abstract, I could see shades of Native American Shaman techniques, NLP, Hynosis, Induced Hypnosis and many more modalities that I practise teach or am familiar with . So right from the beginning of the movie, the moment the concept of dream and extracting thoughts came into the picture, the whole story unfolded in my mind within seconds. No mystery was there..

So given that background, I did find movie bit of a drag and repetitive.

Going by Leo’s role, I could not connect with the character like I connected with him in Departed or Catch me if you can or even the much glamorised Titanic.. He seemed like someone having a fixed expression in his face and I did not much like the repeats of so many scenes. It kind of threw the interest around a bit.

Liked the cinematography to a certain extent. But was not amazed by it. Also I was of the impression that half the movie was spent with people ( or projections ) running after our team with guns.. Found lots of gaps in the story but then well, I think thats very personal perception and will leave it at that.

It was not an exciting experience like the Matrix, but well I guess it could be a one time watch for me. Thats it. Hubby liked it. So well you might just like it.

Things I liked about the movie.

Now heres where I admire the script for introducing little seeds of thoughts to the movie watchers, even if it was through some A-Z story which could be quite confusing for a watcher who does not go with some background on the concept. Matrix had this covered. The story became the concept and no matter who would watch it, would get the idea..

Here are some seeds of thought processes that we could actually implement with practice.

Extracting a root thought which is destructive to us and implanting a thought that is of benefit to us.
Extracting beliefs and experiences which does not allow us to move forward and replacing with a dream or an experience which can very well start being our reality.
Letting go of the past and creating a new future.. via this…
Removing phobias and creating new habits/realities..

Yeah and if you are interested, I would recommend you experience NLP . Am not promoting this but the movie has forced me to map the events to what is being already practiced.

Posted in Blog | Tagged Inception Review, NLP | 3 Comments

Bad Habits I Like

Posted on July 14, 2010 by Pallavi Baruah

: Image via Wikipedia

Today morning while talking to my dear aunt about something which she does, inspite of knowing that its bad for her, I get the pat reply from her that : I like it… and I wont change for nuts..

Well suffice it to say, I am known to be very much like this darling aunt of mine, a package of contradictions and its scary sometimes, how I can see myself in her and her in me..

So well, a post formed in my mind.. about the bad habits I liked.. and would not give it up, knowing that I like it.. and well it is not so good for me in the long run.. .:)

So here I go.

Watching TV while I eat. There is something comforting about this.. cannot tell you..
Sleeping and reading a book without bothering for much light.
I love walnuts and however much I try, I just cannot stop eating them. Rocky is exasperated and is trying to get me out of it but NOPE, I keep doing it.
Shopping without thought, when I am stressed. Though I am limiting it to window shopping, it still has not gone out of my mind.
Cannot get over the fascination over desserts.. I can eat till it makes me sick and its worth it.. buhahah a!!
Pickles : I can get sick on tamarind and sweet and sour pickles..
Knowing when a situation is bad, and then actually waiting sadistically to unveil itself to prove that right and then bemoaning the very fact.. when it comes to me.. Stupid.. I know.. GAH to me
Extremely lazy to take up any form of exercise
Hates getting up early.. even though I like it once I am up
never takes good advice which I dole out to my friends.. for myself.. am pretty good at ignoring me..
And some more….

Now for the good part..

At least I know I have them, makes for a good list to get rid or to convert into a habit which helps me. So here goes the plan.. am trying to commit to adhering to it.. but its so interesting how familiarity breeds comfort every now and then, I tend to go back..

Have meals early and watch whatever I watch later..
Find a comfortable position to read.. maybe a different time helps..
Hide the box of walnuts in such a place so that I get reminded only once in a while.. he he .. That is working
Window shopping is good.. Now I treat myself to limited window shopping and maybe just maybe buy something very small to trick the mind..
Dont have a plan on the Desserts.. YUM.. I am already drooling.. :)
Have different pickles to change my tastes..
Well I have decided that enough is enough.. and its alright to test the self but not at the cost of cutting off my nose to spite my face.. : Plan is to plod on giving 100 percent.. even if the situation looks bad.. sigh.. I have test myself again.. on this..
Exercise : Got myself some videos to work with it in the evenings. .he he
Still hate getting up early.. NO PLAN there..
Listen more to self more than anyone.. it works..
rest Later.. I am still developing it..