Well when one waits for an auspicious beginning, to anything, getting sick is one of the last options that one would want to have.. but there you have it.  Viral seems to be the flavor of the week. Man, I feel older than I am.. LOL… being sick actually does that one I think.. really magnifies your age and tells you where you stand… LOL….

I have been cooped up inside the house for the past 3 days and well as I was talking to one of my team members, she gave me an interesting perspective…with which I think I am sticking with..

She says that if we finish with the bad then the good comes later… hahaha.. very optimistic way to look at and well cheered me up.

I am always grateful for such nice souls in my team.. simple, straight and encouraging and practical..

So I spend my time, catching up on my reading…

Seriously… I was going through some content and stuff like

Rani Mukherjee  put on more flab… 

No Entry in Bigg Boss Finale.. 

I mean I do try and follow up with current events but these useless content actually overlaps the actual news like inflation, food prices, petrol hikes, etc..

Anyway, this is not new… even news channel nowadays has breaks like those serial breaks… and the wierdest ad I saw was of the yruhere.com yet another spiritual guru spouting answers to our existence and promises deliverance..

twitter world is interesting.. I find, following the right news network or people, I do get some worthwhile content to read.. Jai ho.. for small mercies..

So anyway, you can see, my brain is fuzzed up with nonsense…

Missing work... but cant do much when my whole being feels like jelly..

felt good to just ramble…

A good time to contemplate I guess..  lets think of something positive..

Barbecuing is one of the latest fads that I am seeing everywhere. We also brought in the new year with barbecuing fish… came out well. Now I am tempted to get one for ourselves… ok putting it down in my wish list.

Partying after a long time, felt good… Wheee… looking forward to the next one in Bihu if all is well… thinking of making something special… lets see…

So on stuff that I plan to do this year.. its an imaginary list.. mind you… just making it up as it goes.. ( keeping in mind my jelly like brain in mind)

1. Read up more.. Due to my ill health, have gobbled up books like mad… as TV or net gives me a headache.. So will do more..
2. Maybe start on writing the book that I have been thinking about.. now it seems like an option, when I am at work, all of this is like the last thing on the mind.. sigh..
3. Buy Gilmore Girls DVD set… Hehe.. I have been meaning to buy that.. but kept putting it on the low priority list of purchases.. ( being the good girl and trying to save)
4. Follow Donna Hay who is the next queen after Nigella, love some of her recipes…
5. Am thinking of taking up baking seriously… all sugar free options… will need some time for that… lets see…
6. be healthier… bring down my sugar beyond needing meds to control.. yeah.. .
7. maybe getting out of facebook… its getting more and more useless.. besides..I think having the ability to connect to some really old friends… But really, is it all that great.. I am seriously thinking of using this page as my networking base…. thinking… how can i even keep networking simple.. ??
8. Take up some craft projects… maybe seriously take up painting… yeah I would like to do that… have been wanting to do this.. for a while and paint a Buddha…
9. Go to more unexplored places… have a list… which I want to visit..
10. Attend a wedding… hahaha… I have one coming up… soon.. and hopefully, I will have the opportunity to attend that.. I would like to.. get totally involved in all the rituals and bless the new couple.. and yeah buy some new dresses… oooohh I am feeling like a teen thinking about it… what to wear, etc.. hahaha
11. On a more serious note, have some interesting goals at work, which will make be go beyond and build some business.. yeah..
12. De clutter.. de clutter… some more.. The last year, I gave many books, clothes and stuff I usually hoard away… Rocks is also following the same… LOL.. he is an awesome hoarder… Hopefully, this year, he will be able to part with his old motorcycle parts which he kept hidden in weird spaces… If I search for books, I get an old brake shoe.. or a silencer when I am sorting my clothes…. My husband…. oh no… how can I forget my Dad… who can be called the king of hoarders… Sigh… Anyway, where was I ? yeah De clutter some more…  Live with minimum… as much as possible..
13. maybe get two more cockatiels… white ones…  I have my eye on them… they are so beautiful…
14. and yeah yeah POST/BLOG some more… how can I forget that… I love writing,…. I so miss writing…

ok so well…. thats all I have energy for today…

Maybe on a normal day, this post would look very silly… but I would like to remember this moment of silliness to remind me to get in touch with that side of myself…  its fun…

Yeah its fun when the brain is a jelly…. kind of lets me be me… hahahah

Well Hello Dear Blog and a very Happy new Year to you. Its been a while since I reflected here..  I was thinking I will make a postathon out of the posts that I have been meaning to write for the past few months. lets see how this goes.

The Year 2011, I Dedicate it to the Fool who has taught me so many wonderful lessons.. And I think I will carry this spirit through this year

The Fool is numbered 0, the number of unlimited potential, and does not actually have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can come either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered as the Fool’s journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number.

The Fool is shown at the beginning of his journey with unlimited potential. The sun rising up behind him represents the beginning of his journey. He is facing north-west, the direction of the unknown. He is looking upwards, toward the sky, or Spirit. He is about to step off a cliff into the material world but is he prepared? He has all the tools and resources he needs in the bag on his staff but he has not opened the bag yet. The white rose in his left hand represents purity and innocence. He has a guardian in the little white dog who will protect him throughout his journey but who will also push him to learn the lessons the Fool came here to learn. The mountains behind the Fool represent the realms of Spirit that he has just left and will spend his life trying to regain.

One of my main services is to work with people and people have taught me a lot this past year and a half…

Some of the worst lies that I had to listen to with a deadpan face. But I could not help laugh at their creativity.

” My grandmother is dying.. I need to get an early relieving letter as I have to visit her every weekend from Bangalore to Calcutta” and he professed that he could know me by reading my blog… I was left at wondering at his stupidity…

” I married a Hindu boy and my husband is scared that he will be converted to a Muslim and has taken a tranfser to run away from it all”

The words : “Trust me” !!! actually scares me now.. Hahahah !! After this one soul actually went on to do everything that is the anti-thesis of Trust me.. LOLOLOL…

The above topped the rest..of the bits..  Had some long posts on this on my mind.. but will keep it to this..

Really people, I think, its ok to be straight when one wants to leave the company… LOL… We have also left organisations without a murmur… and I remember telling

them the very truth that I wanted a change.. I mean how bad can it be ?

One of the worst interviews of the year, I have taken :

On asking about achievements :  ”Going to Kerela and getting drunk, passing out, looking here and there and here and there and thats it..”

On asking about his weakness : ” when I sleep I dont get up.. ”

On asking about what he does when he gets bored : “I watch parallel cinema” and the following explanation was equally wierd..

So peoples who are looking for a job, do come up with some intelligently honest answers.. it need not be perfect but it has to be related to your marketing yourself since the competition in the market is very strong… if you dont ace it, someone else will…
Sometimes, I also think that my life is like a movie… hahahah.. The more I avoid drama, the more it evolves around me.. Sheesh..

From being the victim of a conspiracy theory at work,  to being attacked in the form of a coup from some “intelligent aliens” who think I am some alien who they have to destroy… Sigh… I had it all in year 2011…

Karma is a bitch…. I think… and well I love this… What goes around, also comes around… and I am just an observer now..

But jokes apart… its been a very educating and a fulfilling year.. I must be grateful…

For  a wonderful team that I have today.  I love working with them.. Specially after all the  dirt has been removed… not by me but by themselves..

If intentions are good and your purpose is strong and serving your people,  and focussed on business, leadership is strong and un wavering… and all of it majorly because of the support of a strong, high achieving individuals , every 30 plus of them… who make every moment I spend at work… very enriching… I could not have overcome my challenges without their support… and for that I am thankful… and I hope I have their continued support…

Its easy being a manager but to be a leader… and that too without a title… is what I want to be….

Workwise, I feel I have grown in one year what I would have grown in 3 years.  So well no regrets only gratefulness…

2011 also saw me reflecting on my friends… some which I wanted to keep some which I wanted to just let go.. Like everything, somethings just are not meant to be… and no matter how hard one tries.. it is just ok to let it hang in that period of time where it is supposed to be…the memory is loved and respected… I felt this year that in many ways, moving on has finally a meaning..

I used to always think… what is so big deal about moving on… why cant I have my past as well as my present and create my  future… well, not with everything..

Today I know that to me is that what importance I gave in the past and what served me very well before does not serve me at all..

It sounds selfish when put like that… but in a weird way it makes sense..

Like in learning,  I started with learning COBOL.. and C and C++ and though I dont use the learning always stands me in good stead.. does not mean, I will start programming in COBOL…

So yes, I have some really good friends who I can reach out too for which I am grateful and resolved some questions of the not so really required souls… wishing them well and moving on… it feels free…

I cherish, the lunches and coffees with friends. I always feel empowered meeting like minded souls from whom I draw so much inspiration. I would love to have more souls like them in my life..  I do feel thankful for their presence … everyday..  good friends are always there… no questions asked… and that’s the most valuable thing I cherish..

On my spiritual journey, I thought 2011 taught me lesson via the very mundane… it was the keyword…. what I would not give  importance to made me use my focus on every small moments of thoughts and my inner focus had me observe the same with great interest… thus giving simplicity a new meaning..

Completed my NLP Master Practitioner Workshop finally. I was actually thinking, my silly requirements which needed to be fulfilled would not help me make it.. but it did.  I loved the learnings and its a beautiful technique, which I would like to explore more..

Tolerance was another lesson which I like to think I am learning.. And its nice being still and letting behaviours evolve around me and I focus only on what is the positive intention… thus finding the route of Karma as well.. If one sees the positive intention behind a particular behaviour, its easy to be compassionate and removes the feeling of judgement and ego and provides a very objective.understanding.. However, I realised this but practising this is not easy… but not impossible either…  The good part is that its easy to move on… with much more useful things in life..

Looking forward to discovering more and more and sharing the same here.. in this space this year. Have some objectives which I want to achieve. Hopefully it will be fulfilled..

And last but not the least, I am glad the last year, I spent minimum time online and maximum time offline..  In fact I am getting more and more detached with Facebook and Twitter and prefer rambling in my space..  maybe this would be the year, I would delete my Facebook account altogether..  LOL .. Social presence is not all great as its made up to be. I would like to be anonymous as well.

I achieved a lot of reading in 2011. In fact I think  I did a lot of that..  Its a different world I can escape to… anytime…

Loads of souls passing on the last year.. hope it will be better.. this year around..

Among many things, I think that it has been a very interesting year…

Looking forward to more writing and more reading…. and here I am …. opening my doors to opportunity… life… possibilities….creation… love…. compassion… wisdom… knowledge… joy…. contentment….

I see you from afar and I am waiting in anticipation

It is playing hide and seek with me

It knows my weakness

it knows my strengths

It laughs at my strengths and slurps at my weakness and helplessless with a hunger that comes with fear.

I am tempted to feed it .. with my anger, vengenance, disappointment, hurt, anger, anger mostly…

Ah its waiting with open arms to swallow me whole.. and throw a minion of what is me.

A shaking quivering me which has no substance..

I see myself… as I could be..

I take a deep breath and I exhale out…

and I open up my arms… slowly…

I smile and I stretch… and I laugh now… silently but with amazing confidence..

I welcome the bitter bile of fear and jelly of helplessness

It rushes in … attempting to push me back

It rushes in rushes in… and I hold it just in time…

I say hello.. I see it puzzled…

I am not supposed to smile.. I am supposed to cower…

I pet it… I caress it… I hold its hand…

I say to it – Its OK.. its Alright..

It becomes small and a child… who needs my hand to guide it..

But thats a farce…

It tries to run behind me… and remains behind me,…

It runs ahead of me…

Attempting to grow bigger than me..

I dance with it and make it walk with me..

Once twice thrice… and a new path is formed…

After another round of push and pull…

I show its place.. its place is with me.. not ahead or behind me..

it paces with me… breaths with me…

It becomes my friend and walks with me..

I will teach it to appear when its needed, not when its not…

I know its importance… it has to know mine..

I show its purpose..  I accept its role in my life… But do not accept its rule.. I

It settles down… we breathe in together… we pace together…. we are one…

Fear… that is your place… be the cause of my strength not the cause of my sorrow…

@ Pallavi Baruah

Sometimes, I wonder, why is it so hard to be carefree… to do the things that I love.. and run after some MUSTs…

Maybe I lack the courage, maybe I am bounded by fear of the unknown… but I know there will be a time, very soon, this will also pass..

At present I am like a river flowing laboriously with lot of debris and would so like to flow quickly lightly rapidly playing around boulders before merging to the giant sea of consciousness…

And this blog just pepped me up which just made me pause and reflect AGAIN what gave me blissful joy in the most mundane manner..

Mundane is what I need right now.. rather than abstract..

What makes you smile?

A beautiful song, a lullaby, my birds, my Ma’s unintended jokes, a smile from someone, good food, a fond memory, memories and spontaniety..

What makes you lose time?

A good book, a song, conversation with close friends, walking down cobbled paths exploring new bits about a new place.. standing still by a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains, jewellery browsing, shopping, traveling.. the journey… listening to wisdom of the ancients,

What comes naturally to you?

Laughing, communicating, exercising influence, getting things done, being a woman, being me

What can’t you stop talking about?

Life, being alive, being in the moment, living in the present, beliefs, my fears and how I can overcome them.. how imperfection is the way to learn… and not wallow on it..

What are you really awesome at doing?

Anything that I love doing, the keyword here is love.. can be cooking, can be writing, can be communicating, can be counselling, can be managing, can be just being in the moment.

If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?

Write a book. Travel all over and write another book.. … and write more books..

What would you do for free because you love it so much?

Counsel women who are yet to make it…. be a coach.. teach..

If you had 12 months to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now?

Sell all my assets, travel more, meet all my friends, spend more time with my loved ones.. and slowly give away everything till I have nothing left… but the body…

Image by staticgirl via Flickr

That is all we are left with memories and rememberance..

yesterday at 2:05 my dear friend finally succumbed to the pull of bone cancer..  Life and death are not in our hands.. I know.. but somehow, hope is what keeps us going..

Just like life happens, the exit also happens… its the only permanent and definite part of life…

So yes, knowing that this will come to pass, its still difficult to think that I will not hear her voice.. calling me “Jil”, “kaisi hai”

My heart is heavy with remembrance.. its as if, the record is playing back with super fast speed and in my mind I am living the memories again.. but with a finality that this is the only thing I have till this also fades off to only being a cell memory.. where we would just know each other if we met each other again in another life, by virtue of us having lived in this life with each other..

I met R when I was looking for a Apt and I needed a flatmate.

My dear Bro who did not want me to be alone set it up so that I had someone who was responsible and a good companion to live with me.

She lived far off and she was quiet and very pretty.

As far as personality goes, we were poles and lifetimes apart and we did have our fights… I remember it fondly when my over extrovertness and damn care attitude clashed with her organized and patient self.

I would dare say that sometimes, I hated her for her calmness and acceptance of things… but reluctantly as I also matured, I also could see that the very qualities, I would not be able to understand, I would learn or imbibe the very qualities… from her unknowingly.

Today I remember her as a woman who has surpassed many obstacles in life specifically, the one stigma of just being a woman..

She was blessed to have  been saved from a pimp who had married Indian women and sold them in the US and then come back to marry again. And yet when this knowledge came to the forefront, in the day of the marriage, it was still her that people blamed… such is the bane of our society towards the women folk.. Damned if you do and damned if you dont..

Not giving up, she came out of that and built a life of her own and that phase we shared our apt with each other.. and went through our daily bits..

Her liking only certain fishes…

her liking only certain parts of chicken

Her doing things in a very perfectionist way..  It used to drive me crazy but I got used to it and started respecting that as well.

If someone would visit us, they could easily differentiate from the chaotic soul that I was and the organized and calm being that she was. Her space would be clean with pastel shades and very minimum things by her side.

My side would be stacked with books, knick knacks, etc.. hahahah

When she bought her own bike, she was so excited.. but still it would make her comfortable if I rode my Kinetic an she sit as a pillion when we would do our ritualistic temple visits.

yeah she loved temples and had immense faith..

She loved earrings and clothes… and we would have discussions on what we would buy…

Commercial street was our favorite haunt… we would love doing our girly stuff..

I think she was forced to open up a lot with me.. forced to accept the crazy me who had no boundaries..

In retrospective, she always reminded me that we had to have some boundaries..

we shared deep dark side of ours… stuff that we would not want to admit to anyone… yet.. it was as if we could trust each other blindly with it.

She loved food like me … ok I gorged on food but she liked good food.. we experimented a lot with our food and ate well… I know it was fun… she would want me to cook the dal the way I made it and I would tell her to make pitla the way she did it.. and if she was very happy, she would have khandvi and dhokla… and we would have a feast… she loved making sweets… as well… My taste for pitla and poha and all things Maharashtrian stemmed from her experiments..

And she would also speak Bengali with me… as she knew that language… made me feel at home as well…

Again, through thick and thin, she would be there… nudging me… telling me even the last time I talked to her.. that it will be ok..

Sometimes I think that even though I did not have an elder sister, she was someone I would like to compare one to..

someone I loved, hated, loved, hated, and loved again… and finally accepted that she made sense..

I feel I was the only one going through the see saw.. she was the constant… through my love and hate part, she would be just there… waiting and so forgiving… and yes reprimanding… to a degree that might have been needed… LOL… but it did forge a strong bond…

The good part was that she got a wonderful soul to get married to and had a son… and the life or the ideal American dream…

It was so nice to visit her… and see her happy and settled in her house…

I remember I was so sick when I went to visit her in New Jersey… that she nursed me back to health with her specially made Kadi.

She took me visiting New York and she though not the adventurous kind, took me with her and walked with me all around New York.

When she knew she had bone cancer, it was a cold deep feeling inside me that time was less… and we talked on and off.. through chemo, sessions, her visits to the doc, planned surgeries,…. the fact that surgery could not happen… all of it…

What does one say to someone who knows her time is near ? Sometimes, words left me.. sometimes, I would talk all silly things… and make her laugh… sometimes I would make up…. it was good just to hear her laugh.. It was so painful to hear her… say what would happen to her son when she was not there… so painful….

Sometime, it was just difficult to be positive as we could not ignore what was looming in front of us..

June, she called me for the last time and I was so busy, I could only talk for a short while… thinking I will call her back… and never made it.. July, she deteriorated… till she passed on yesterday 2:05 PM. with her family by her side..

Rita, I would like to thank you for being there in my life and it was a nice journey.. I hope I can meet with you soon…  in the bardo state or in afterlife…

If you meet Ma, do say Hi to her..  You can spend sometime talking to her telling her, I remember her as well… every day… as I will remember you…

May your journey be smooth, may you keep moving to the next purpose without any attachments…  you will be on my thoughts and prayers every moment… till I have this body…

Image via Wikipedia

Usually I keep this kind of post till the end of the year but heck I thought I should respect the swarm of events and respect the time and submit my surrender and dedication.

So I have been considering myself to be quite blessed I must say that even with all ups and downs, I have never had to step into a hospital for anything serious and I would keep praying that let that be so for as long as it takes. Oh what vanity I say I had an what a prejudiced way of looking at myself.

I always refer to my body as my temple but even as I say that I do know I give in to so many temptations of the palette and have overdone it so many times, knowing that my time will come and well when the time comes, I know I would have tasted all that was there.. without any remorse..

And by jove the time of reckoning has finally come.. and am glad in a way, its come sooner than I expected…. so that I can plan my exit better buhahahah !!! well I do want a smooth exit finally…

So where was I ? Dedication

Yeah, I dedicate 2011 to hospitals, medicines and all kinds of ailments, sprains, injuries, you name it…

So I bow down and surrender and accept that my body is a mere machine and it does start making you aware that life as I know it has to be lived with so much more awareness and thankfulness and every second is taking me closer to my final destination and the joy has to begin… with the whittling of self as I perceived it in my imagination. Not that I was unaware of it all, have been in and out of ailments but one at a time or a year but this beats it..

And I must thank the universe as it pushed me with various messages to start with it all.

So I abhor hospitals, needles, the wait , the tests, blood and the bit…

Interestingly, as you know with law of attraction, what one loves one gets and more than that what one fears also one gets..

Now, I think I have passed my examination… all that I hate have become my friends… close friends I must say

My fear of needles is gone as I get to prick myself and be pricked so many times that I welcome them as my best pals… LOL

Clinic 1 - well this is comfortable and the wait is very interesting if I take a book, find a corner to nap till my name is called. And also be like that still camera which takes in all that is going in and out.

Dalals who usher in rich shiekhs and their burkah clad wives for some or the other treatment.

A naughty child, Krishna,  who comes in with his pregnant mom and Dad. Dad has to run around behind the child. He peeps in near me and longingly looks at my phone and makes cute eyes at me just in the hope that I give him to play with it. When he is bored, he goes to the reception and starts picking up the phone there and says hello puts down the phone and then picks it up again. The father, exasperated just wants to be done with it yet has to keep him but Krishna is not in the mood to oblige.

The lab assistant, who is convincing someone on the other end of the phone why the blood tests are what it was and how she knows best.. Then preening about her knowledge to the juniors.

The receptionist who tells me that my own report is confidential .. GAWK.. I am like its my report and my body, my tests… so what is confidential about it.. and finally getting an answer that the doc will get the inside report… so that I can proceed… well thank god for small mercies..

The gentleman arguing about medical insurance… and then talking to his wife to get the papers which is missing from the cupboard and after half an hour of arguing and searching for it via the phone with the help of his wife, deciding to quit and go… in a huff since he will not get a discount..

All this while, yours truly, quietly observing and thinking.. its all temporary… and waits for her turn…

The end at one is worth it since the doc is really good.

Clinic – 2 

I get a notebook and a file. I feel like a child going back to school. Have to fill in my particulars all over again.. Do I get up in the middle of the night, do I have this, do I have that.. I do heave a relief that most of the questions are “No”.

Yet this is a tricky one.

So I wait and I wait and I wait and maybe an hour and a half later, inspite of an appointment, I get to meet this good doc, who seems to be very good. She comes highly reccomended. I notice that I have to take leave because it took up more than half of my day. I think maybe its because its my first time there.

I come back after 2 weeks and I wait and I wait and I wait and this time the wait is so long… I lose it… 2 and a half hours… and its dawning on me that this is a trend. I am not wasting another leave and reschedule and never mind the fact that I lost my way and spend another half an hour just finding the clinic which is just under the nose yet… when days are bad, they tend to be worse..

So next time I quickly adapt with some observation that some buttering and some nudging is required to get to see the doc early.. so I go in early, make sure I am there before many and finally have to wait maybe half an hour to talk to the doc..

observing myself I was going through the throes of rejection by the doc depression syndrome..  when I saw the ladies there ignoring my file since I gave all of them a piece of my mind the other day.. yet I am stoic and steady… telling myself that its all fine.. and I need patience..

Finally, the receptionist, asks me to go inside and sit. It almost brings tears to my eyes when I see the doc.. .. I never thought that getting to see the doc would bring such a relief..

Clinic 3 

I rush to this eye hospital and as instructed by Rocks, I stand in the queue fill in my forms and since I have been here before with my Dad, for his operation, I am ok with the scene. I wait and wait till my name is called. My name is called and I am taken in… and when they know I have contact lenses, they ask me to open it and wait for another half an hour.. I am like… why did you not tell me this before… I am getting pissed slowly  but I smile and i do it.

I am blind as a bat without my lenses and I curse my inability to see.. after I remove my lenses, wishing that I wore my spectacles inside.. .but I had to do this.. so I wait and read my book.. I can read without my lenses, thank God for that.. so as I am going deeper into the plot,  turning off the crowds, irate patients, etc.. and an excited Bengali patient pointing at the TV and commenting on the bear who is climbing up a pole and is stuck there.. some Animal Planet stuff and I smile at her amusement.. Humor always makes me feel good..

I get called finally by the intern and I get the sight tests done and my power is the same … so I feel another relief…

Finally I get to wait for a while before I meet the doc… the same one who operated on my dad’ s eyes and she is talking about dilating my pupils…

NOOOOOOOOO !!! I realise my folly. I have driven by myself and I have to go cook for Dad and with Dilation, I will be stuck for like another 5 hours without anyone to drive me back….

this after 3 hours.. I tell the doc my predicament and reschedule.. which I have not met out of sheer unwillingness to get into the hospital again..

Clinic 4

I sprain my wrist picking up some heavy vegetable bags and walking through smelly slushy vegetable market…. YUCK I so hate it.

And wake up to an excruciating pain… knowing that I have to go to the hospital YET AGAIN.. And I am not able to move it at all. I fear something is broken as the pain is unbelievable..

I expect something similar, wait, wait then do some tests then wait…

BUT VIOLA !!! I must say this was a smoothie.. and it made me happy.. I sailed into emergency, got an attendant Geeta who bless her soul, took me very speedily to the X RAY dept and got me quickly to the attending ortho.. and in a jiffy I have a splint and me feeling much better..

Clinic 5 

Since I was having a good day, I decide to go to my favorite Dentist.. I had a broken tooth.. but was scared that I had to do another root canal which was like I did not want to revisit until sometime… but the result was just another filling and some clean up..

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Points to ponder 

• i would really like to thank the souls who have been very encouraging via emails, via chat, via just one word…… who have been consistently showing me the positives even when I fell through the cracks of helplessness.. but it helped to ever hear the encouraging nudge and to keep at my belief that all things are temporary and it all has a positive result at the end of the day.. 
• I know even though I like to think I am strong but I hate being sick and words of encouragement really helps me go the extra mile. 
• Rocks has been my pillar and could not have done without him.. muaaahhh to you… 
• its always nice to share, am not one to share my downs… except with the very few.. but that very few made my day… its nice to share.. without prejudice…  
• It has pushed me to live more consciously and welcome this with lot of acceptance and the will to live free of this.. at the same time.. some Huna here and some positive visualisation here.. helps me go forward.. 
• Because of this, the sloth in me has disappeared completely and its not me but my small family who are getting fitter with me.. 
• Morning walks with Dad and Rocks is the best time of the day.. Walks, meditation, ground me and keeps me light… I love the bonding time. 
• Food is still a favorite but I eat with more awareness.. I gorged on the beautiful bday cake and I am ok… buhhahaa !!! 
• My food preferences have changed for the better… 
• And my reading has picked up speed. I finished 4 books this whole period.. and 2 more to go… The best part of this is that its reconnected me to the world of words and stories which I so love.. 
• I am glad for the whole experience since its with prevention, that I will know how to lead a good life.. and then have a smooth death.. ( remembering mom here ) 
• And I remember all my friends who were fighting some battle of the body/health in some way or the other and appreciate their resilience and patience and the perseverance. All their thoughts make my experience very inconsequential and I am humbled… and even though I have always respected their stand and have supported them, I do so even more now…  I pray for them even more now… its an immensely internal experience and it needs lot of fortitude.. 
• its a phase we all have to go through… and how we do it matters, what lessons we learn matters, because there is a lesson in all experience.. patience, tolerance, the whole bit…  
• I am so glad now that I got to do all this now… when my bones are still holding me up… ( touch wood !!! ) so though I am not looking for more,… have enough to deal with on my plate, I would say, that if I can breathe smoothly, sleep peacefully, and eat with care, I am going to be ok for now…
• I know not what the future brings but I know, the present is what I need to take care… moment to moment to moment  

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Yeah I love the WordPress update, Fullscreen and all.  Now I can focus on writing without thinking so much on the accessories

Thank you, WP.

So this time I have a pet peeve I have to write about my dearest husband Rocks.

Rocks is a very process oriented soul. Everything has a purpose, plan , a start and an end to all his mode of thought and actions. And well me I am just the opposite of that a soul thriving between options and process and let there be love all around… kind.. LOL…:)

In my house,for me, tea has lot of meaning. I associate and Rocks knows this that I have strong bonding with self and family and I dont know its the ultimate comfort zone in my area of existence.

A cup of tea can mean so much …

Sometimes, I just connect with myself and nature.

A book seems more exciting with a cup of tea.

A chat seems more in depth with tea.

A friend seems more dearer when we share a cup of tea…

Morning tea makes me just slowly rejuvenate time and again with life… it calls me to live and live well.

And yeah, I create so many wonderful stories and daydreams for my imaginary book with every sip.

I also ramp down my stress mode and get some perspective when there is a strom brewing and crying all around me.

And lots more…….

So TEA is a very important part of my living… as I associate a lot of positive modes of operation with it.

Now tea can be just green tea or masala chai or any form.

The hot brew kadak chai is my favorite.. when I am in the thick of things.  ( mind you I am not addicted but it just feels like my mind gets sharpened)

For Rocks it is something we have as a routine so he lovingly makes tea for me when I am tired and I am really grateful that he does that. Yes GOD ! I am a grateful soul..

But, Rocks has this idea of a scientific lab when preparing tea. ( at least thats what I am imagining ….LOL..

And he knows it just how I like it…

So one day I plead with him to boil me a cup.

And he goes in and he is making the tea and making the tea. I wonder what he is doing.

He makes everything ok but then for some reason adds cold milk to it and brings it to me with lot of enthusiasm because he made it in a “different” way. Ok I am getting it that he is rediscovering or customising how its made…. but WHY… .

He tried some options.. but I pleaded with him to keep to the normal method.. And we were back to normal.

yet another day he decides to prepare red tea for my Dad with lot of love.  Now red tea is simple. Boil water, infuse the tea leaves and thats it. Dad does not even take sugar. He just likes it to be a particular depth.

Rocks in his science mode.. ( I think something unique happens to him when he sees tea leaves)

He makes the tea with milk and then uses the same tea leaves to try and make red tea.
How can we make red tea with already boiled tea leaves.. to it he again adds fresh tea leaves.. when he does not get the tea color or fragrance he wants.

I spy this and am watching what he is upto and gently try telling him that it will not work..

and he in his teacher manner tells me : Wait and watch this will work… the color will come.. and it will be a good drink.

As usual, I ignore this… since I know, only if he sees the result he will believe the same.

And well to add a long story short.. Dad sipped this and PSHEW screamed :  What WAS THIS CONCOCTION ?

I opened my mouth to “tell” him about the special tea  while Rocky pinned me down to be quiet… realising his mistake.. .. LOLOL

Well… I just hope the tea saga does not repeat… I cannot take much of this experiment … hahahah !!

If there is something I like, its my tea, just the way it should be.. and so does Rocks..( wonder why then he keeps doing this)

Sometimes I think how his map of the world would be a mini science lab with varied procedures…. for every little task… LOLOL..

Adorable… man that he is… this tea experimentation is getting to me. LOLOL

Chapter 1
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find my way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… It’s a habit…but
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.

It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

@ excerpt from Serge Kahili’s book I am reading…

This is a beautiful way to remember to be aware of the present and if you are aware of the experiences you are having NOW, you can actually live the moment lighter and with the right perspective that is needed for you at this moment.

We get so caught up with what was in the past and what will happen in the future and that seems sometimes so much like a heavy burden to bear.  The present is so much lighter.. and so much more filled with possibilities.