Point of Reflection

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Walking the path of a mind quest from a very early on, there came a time when I was drawn to a particular Buddhist deity . I started to follow on the information and started to search for a master who knew more about this.

There are certain phases in my life where different energies have drawn me for different purpose and off I went attaining some kind of mini realizations.

My big picture was to bring all the same into practical life which would help the people connecting with my being  into getting some of that and practicing it in the same way as breathing.

Well I have not found that ease of practice for everything  and I dont think I will in this lifetime but I am still journeying and I am happy with the baby steps I make.

I was somewhat familiar with the idea of Buddhism but had not gone too deep since I was working with different energies and techniques and it held me quite steady and still does depending upon who needs what if they are guided to this little ol’me. This time I wanted to delve deeper with human emotions and also enhance what has worked for me and just like an answer, Tushita came along.

I really liked what I saw and as usual something told me that I would at least start to find some source of what I was looking for.

My quest was to understand the delusions of life and also to work with attachment with worldy dramas which our human mind is so accustomed to and so much relish in it.

Here I was all set to start my spiritual retreat. My goal with some questions in my mind, I planned my trip meticulously all the more so, as I was setting off on my own and it was extremely personal trip as well. I had a feeling that it would not be easy but well who said anything in life is easy ??? Specially if you are on any kind of a spiritual quest. Well at least that’s how it has always worked when I got into the next practice of learning something on the path always. Its like as if I am burned by the actions and memories of a many lifetimes and the suffering and pain always brings forth some profound realizations. I call it the rising of the Phoenix everytime I go through this.

The journey and the experience started when I reached Delhi. Was to go to Palika Place to wait for the bus. It was pouring like it was nobody’s business. I had to walk with my suitcase and my bag which became heavier and heavier. I walked for a while to see where the bus point was. It took me a while to find out since I don’t know Delhi well. Thankfully, in the midst of all that, I remembered to see the ticket and called the bus guy. He came there shortly and told us to wait at a point. I did not want to miss the bus so I stood near the pavement.. Silly of me I know but well I was too tired to go anywhere and it was better to stand in the thick sheet of rain waiting for it to abate. Even the umbrella could not shelter me.

A bus came along and though the people were kind enough to invite me, I decided to wait till others came along and then boarded. But it did not seem the end. It was full of travelers from abroad and well I was wondering if I was in the right place. Then it was announced that this bus would go to Manali. And this would just go to Majnu Ka Teela to transfer us to another bus. My ticket was for AC bus. Well I kind of just thought that any bus will do as long as it took me to Mc Leod Ganj. I was pretty peaceful.

Patience.. and lots of perseverance. I was focusing on my goal. To reach Tushita safe and sound. We boarded the actual bus and by this time, finding the bus was manna. I could already see that the bus was leaking. I somehow bargained for a seat that would be relatively less drippy. Outside the rain had stopped but I somehow knew it will catch up with us soon. I settled myself in and prayed that we started on time and reached at a reasonable time in Tushita. It was tough trying to sleep with a constantly rocking bus but well the destination was important.

I think there were loads of lessons in patience for me. And acceptance and making the best of the situation. It was 2: 00 AM when the bus stopped. I was having an urgent call of the nature and well so did some of the passengers. The toilet was far and it was dark. I realised that when the nature calls, no matter how far and what time, a good toilet keeps the fear away. Hahaha.. Looking at moi, some ladies followed me as well. There were no lights but Viola !! there was the torch.. My ultimate savior. Who could stop me ??

Anyway, I came back with a relieved empty bladder. The driver and the handyman were having a chai. Some passengers were stretching their legs. On asking the driver, he said we have 4 to 5 more hours to go. I had hot chai breathing in the relatively cool weather. After that we were back on the road, jittering, shaking and lolling this way and that on the bumpy road.

After sometime, it did not matter, the rain, the cold, the jerks, everything, it was as it the mind shut down and I woke to a very cloudy morning at Mc Leod Ganj. A fellow retreater was in the bus and we shared a cab to to get to Tushita. It was early morning and Tushita had not yet stirred. We went to the dining hall which is near the reception and it was time to wait. I put my head in my hands and went to sleep. I woke up time to time and then saw my colleague reading and then he too slept on one of the benches. It was breakfast time soon and then lunch. I paid about 90/- for the lunch.

Registration started at 1:00 PM. Finally !! I thought.. I waited and waited and waited between sleep and waking up sitting on the bench. Finally, they set up the tables to call people. The room was full of people from all over the world and well at first, I was stumped. Suddenly it was like I was in an alien country or something. At first, I could not believe I was the only Indian woman on this course. There were three more Indian men and well, I saw that the third man, was too shocked and left in a very short time. Time ticked on one hour, two and my name was not called. I waited and something in me told that my name was not there.

There was a little flutter of panic inside me. I had booked this course so well in advance. And, my name was not there in the list. Well, I calmly asked for them to write it down. By this time out of some 48 people, only 6 were left. But hey there is always a reason why something happens. We were all given Karma Yoga jobs as per our registration calls.

Karma Yoga jobs were part of our stay. We were each given a Karma Yoga job to do which could be cleaning dishes, sweeping the monastery floors in different areas, sweeping the monastery ground of the debris, cleaning the showers and And since I was so way behind, I could thank the Lord that I was not going to clean the toilets. Well at this point it was all about me and my happiness of course.

The ego of making the self happy was predominant and I rejoiced in that fact that I was happy since I had to sweep the corridor of one part of Tushita and clean the basins. Which was better than cleaning toilets. Well well well, little did I know how humbled and appreciative I would be of the same by the time the course ended. Right then, my main priority was to get myself to a dorm.

This body and mind just needed her butt to be settled somewhere before she could think. The international colleagues had a fixed price. But Indians could give some donations and get a seat. I decided to go for the 5220/- dorm with 4 occupants. I am led to about three levels up and I wonder : Good heavens, I have to climb up and down all the ten days even to go to the working toilets which were three level down. Sigh.. Well so be it.

By this time.. I am kind of in a state of acceptance, my main thought being: At least I will not be cleaning toilets… ( sheesh, how selfish could I be !!! but huh I was being human and honest to myself) We had to report back to the Gompa by evening so that we went through the introduction and the practicalities of what went where and the rules.. I entered my dorm and I saw that there were already two occupants there.

Sharyn, a beautiful Irish sprite who first gave me the impression that I have known her before.. and it was a happy connection. Anna, a polish lady living in London. And later the last occupant was Kaitlin, an Aussie working as an English teacher in Abu Dhabi.

I was happy that there was a good vibe in the room. Sharyn told us all upfront that she talked in her sleep. Kaitlin said she spoke too but in foreign language. Anna was quiet. I shamefully burst out that when I was really tired I would snore.. (blushing) But I saw that we took it very humorously and had a good laugh. We did chat a while introducing each other and some inconsequential stuff. We knew we would be in silence the next ten days. The room was comfortable and it was a cozy one. I rushed down to the Gompa and without thinking tried to appreciate the view before we went inside, I sat on a chair to relax.

And EEEEPSSS.. there was a pool of cold rain water which totally wet my backside to my skin.. I was like ARGHHHHHHH.. It was evening and I had just changed.. I felt like jumping up and down.. I tried to sit on a stone to dry myself but the weather was very damp and well no way was I going to sit in the Gompa with a wet backside.. I rushed upwards and changed again and by this time we all quietly went inside. On entering the Gompa, I felt a feeling of stillness and immense dedication to the retreat that I committed myself to.

I just knew that my purpose of coming here was very well connected and it was time for me to be here and I was beginning a new path of many many realizations in my life.. which would open up slowly but surely.. So all the chaos that I went through from the time I reached Delhi, the bus journey, the registration, being the only Indian woman there, the dorm distance, my wet backside… et al… ALL was forgotten in that moment.

I was content and I realized I had no regrets.. I was finally here and looking at so many intent faces around me, I was happy I was part of a group.. We went through the introduction process and we were told to select our meditation cushions and Buddhism has a comfortable way to meditate I must say. They have all kinds of cushions to make the sitting easy. I was glad for that. I chose a cushion next to the wall somewhere in the middle row and soaked in the atmosphere. The Gompa was in itself a beautiful place with old cupboards.. and we faced the 8 medicine Buddhas looking serenely at us. It was a place of the divine energy and it brought in a lot of stillness to the mind just by being there. We had dinner which was Tibetan Thupa.

We had an introduction to meditation in the evening and retired for the night.

I was at peace.