Yeah and pigs would fly… the reality is that when too many things are happening we do not even realize how time flies… good or bad…

So anyway, in between I would like to take some food pauses… which kind of freezes some delicious moments..

Sometime, back, I thought that I was spending so much amazing time on the road, I must have been a truck driver in my past life.. LOL..

Now I spend whatever little free time watching food shows… and well, I am now thinking maybe in my future life, I would like to be a chef.. hahahah

So anyway, with Dad and Rocks here, I kind of did not bother to go to the fish market.. but Rocks and my tastes are quite the opposite when it comes to fish. Dad is like me, he will get the exotic and the routine, mixed.. and the pieces are good size..

Now why does the size matter here… I dont know maybe I am fan of fish and I like to have my fish big when I eat.. maybe its a bong thing.. I dont know.. but well my big and Rocky’s definition of big is way different.  :)

So off I went and today after a long time, got Boal fish..

Well, us living so far apart from home, we have kind of lost the seasonal delicacies which used to be cooked in the kitchen by mom and aunts. Boal, Ilish, Rui, Chitol, Puthi, Dry Fish..

Summer time, there would be some light  sweet and sour fish curry with seasonal veggies and we would also have the small fishes with some interesting spice mix..

Monsoon time, the fishes would change and so would the taste, the curries would be heavier intended to generate warmth. I remember having really exotic dry fish recipes which mom would make inspite of her heavy schedule of a 9-5 job. I have been ever so thankful for the same whenever I think of her..  When I was younger, I wanted her to make more fancy stuff but what she has left me with is legacy enough… and no one knows other than me how difficult it is to whip up a comfort meal which is nutritious tasty and well having variety.. Thanks Ma for that..

So anyway, winter was a time of fatty fishes..  and Boal Fish.  This fish has a lot of fat and is extremely tasty.   And I have had some really mouth watering recipes back home..

So well coming back to present, when I saw this Boal today, all the memories came back… and though I did not have the opportunity to  take recipes from Mom, I cook them up from taste and from what I used to remember helping mom and of course my aunts’ recipes..

Its funny how something so mundane… as a particular fish can infuse the memory bank with color of memories and forgotten tastes and the feel of winter.. back home in Shillong..  the home that was…

Sigh… so here I was re cooking a memory trying to recreate the same feel and it felt good..  the association was so warm….

And just yesterday evening, I was like looking up at the stars and asking the universe… ” how much longer ?? ”

And today connecting with the weaves  of the past, I felt alright again.. rooted, and the push to move forward..

Interesting… how we can associate with some really deep triggers and make lemonades of the lemons I am getting.. haahaha

Phew… looking forward to the holiday… this time..

I read today that Clueless netas were demanding iPad3 … even before its launch.. LOL
Well … technology definitely “corrupts”..

The cold wave here is reminding me of Shillong as it does always…

Of the bite in the wind,

Of having sweet and sour oranges in the sun

Of retiring early and eating some hot tasty food made my mum..

Of winter holidays…

Of lots of reading and connecting with friends…

Well, guess its just memories… and now, its work home, work, home, work…

back to it…

Well when one waits for an auspicious beginning, to anything, getting sick is one of the last options that one would want to have.. but there you have it.  Viral seems to be the flavor of the week. Man, I feel older than I am.. LOL… being sick actually does that one I think.. really magnifies your age and tells you where you stand… LOL….

I have been cooped up inside the house for the past 3 days and well as I was talking to one of my team members, she gave me an interesting perspective…with which I think I am sticking with..

She says that if we finish with the bad then the good comes later… hahaha.. very optimistic way to look at and well cheered me up.

I am always grateful for such nice souls in my team.. simple, straight and encouraging and practical..

So I spend my time, catching up on my reading…

Seriously… I was going through some content and stuff like

Rani Mukherjee  put on more flab… 

No Entry in Bigg Boss Finale.. 

I mean I do try and follow up with current events but these useless content actually overlaps the actual news like inflation, food prices, petrol hikes, etc..

Anyway, this is not new… even news channel nowadays has breaks like those serial breaks… and the wierdest ad I saw was of the yruhere.com yet another spiritual guru spouting answers to our existence and promises deliverance..

twitter world is interesting.. I find, following the right news network or people, I do get some worthwhile content to read.. Jai ho.. for small mercies..

So anyway, you can see, my brain is fuzzed up with nonsense…

Missing work... but cant do much when my whole being feels like jelly..

felt good to just ramble…

A good time to contemplate I guess..  lets think of something positive..

Barbecuing is one of the latest fads that I am seeing everywhere. We also brought in the new year with barbecuing fish… came out well. Now I am tempted to get one for ourselves… ok putting it down in my wish list.

Partying after a long time, felt good… Wheee… looking forward to the next one in Bihu if all is well… thinking of making something special… lets see…

So on stuff that I plan to do this year.. its an imaginary list.. mind you… just making it up as it goes.. ( keeping in mind my jelly like brain in mind)

1. Read up more.. Due to my ill health, have gobbled up books like mad… as TV or net gives me a headache.. So will do more..
2. Maybe start on writing the book that I have been thinking about.. now it seems like an option, when I am at work, all of this is like the last thing on the mind.. sigh..
3. Buy Gilmore Girls DVD set… Hehe.. I have been meaning to buy that.. but kept putting it on the low priority list of purchases.. ( being the good girl and trying to save)
4. Follow Donna Hay who is the next queen after Nigella, love some of her recipes…
5. Am thinking of taking up baking seriously… all sugar free options… will need some time for that… lets see…
6. be healthier… bring down my sugar beyond needing meds to control.. yeah.. .
7. maybe getting out of facebook… its getting more and more useless.. besides..I think having the ability to connect to some really old friends… But really, is it all that great.. I am seriously thinking of using this page as my networking base…. thinking… how can i even keep networking simple.. ??
8. Take up some craft projects… maybe seriously take up painting… yeah I would like to do that… have been wanting to do this.. for a while and paint a Buddha…
9. Go to more unexplored places… have a list… which I want to visit..
10. Attend a wedding… hahaha… I have one coming up… soon.. and hopefully, I will have the opportunity to attend that.. I would like to.. get totally involved in all the rituals and bless the new couple.. and yeah buy some new dresses… oooohh I am feeling like a teen thinking about it… what to wear, etc.. hahaha
11. On a more serious note, have some interesting goals at work, which will make be go beyond and build some business.. yeah..
12. De clutter.. de clutter… some more.. The last year, I gave many books, clothes and stuff I usually hoard away… Rocks is also following the same… LOL.. he is an awesome hoarder… Hopefully, this year, he will be able to part with his old motorcycle parts which he kept hidden in weird spaces… If I search for books, I get an old brake shoe.. or a silencer when I am sorting my clothes…. My husband…. oh no… how can I forget my Dad… who can be called the king of hoarders… Sigh… Anyway, where was I ? yeah De clutter some more…  Live with minimum… as much as possible..
13. maybe get two more cockatiels… white ones…  I have my eye on them… they are so beautiful…
14. and yeah yeah POST/BLOG some more… how can I forget that… I love writing,…. I so miss writing…

ok so well…. thats all I have energy for today…

Maybe on a normal day, this post would look very silly… but I would like to remember this moment of silliness to remind me to get in touch with that side of myself…  its fun…

Yeah its fun when the brain is a jelly…. kind of lets me be me… hahahah

Well Hello Dear Blog and a very Happy new Year to you. Its been a while since I reflected here..  I was thinking I will make a postathon out of the posts that I have been meaning to write for the past few months. lets see how this goes.

The Year 2011, I Dedicate it to the Fool who has taught me so many wonderful lessons.. And I think I will carry this spirit through this year

The Fool is numbered 0, the number of unlimited potential, and does not actually have a specific place in the sequence of the Tarot cards. The Fool can come either at the beginning of the Major Arcana or at the end. The Major Arcana is often considered as the Fool’s journey through life and as such, he is ever present and therefore needs no number.

The Fool is shown at the beginning of his journey with unlimited potential. The sun rising up behind him represents the beginning of his journey. He is facing north-west, the direction of the unknown. He is looking upwards, toward the sky, or Spirit. He is about to step off a cliff into the material world but is he prepared? He has all the tools and resources he needs in the bag on his staff but he has not opened the bag yet. The white rose in his left hand represents purity and innocence. He has a guardian in the little white dog who will protect him throughout his journey but who will also push him to learn the lessons the Fool came here to learn. The mountains behind the Fool represent the realms of Spirit that he has just left and will spend his life trying to regain.

One of my main services is to work with people and people have taught me a lot this past year and a half…

Some of the worst lies that I had to listen to with a deadpan face. But I could not help laugh at their creativity.

” My grandmother is dying.. I need to get an early relieving letter as I have to visit her every weekend from Bangalore to Calcutta” and he professed that he could know me by reading my blog… I was left at wondering at his stupidity…

” I married a Hindu boy and my husband is scared that he will be converted to a Muslim and has taken a tranfser to run away from it all”

The words : “Trust me” !!! actually scares me now.. Hahahah !! After this one soul actually went on to do everything that is the anti-thesis of Trust me.. LOLOLOL…

The above topped the rest..of the bits..  Had some long posts on this on my mind.. but will keep it to this..

Really people, I think, its ok to be straight when one wants to leave the company… LOL… We have also left organisations without a murmur… and I remember telling

them the very truth that I wanted a change.. I mean how bad can it be ?

One of the worst interviews of the year, I have taken :

On asking about achievements :  ”Going to Kerela and getting drunk, passing out, looking here and there and here and there and thats it..”

On asking about his weakness : ” when I sleep I dont get up.. ”

On asking about what he does when he gets bored : “I watch parallel cinema” and the following explanation was equally wierd..

So peoples who are looking for a job, do come up with some intelligently honest answers.. it need not be perfect but it has to be related to your marketing yourself since the competition in the market is very strong… if you dont ace it, someone else will…
Sometimes, I also think that my life is like a movie… hahahah.. The more I avoid drama, the more it evolves around me.. Sheesh..

From being the victim of a conspiracy theory at work,  to being attacked in the form of a coup from some “intelligent aliens” who think I am some alien who they have to destroy… Sigh… I had it all in year 2011…

Karma is a bitch…. I think… and well I love this… What goes around, also comes around… and I am just an observer now..

But jokes apart… its been a very educating and a fulfilling year.. I must be grateful…

For  a wonderful team that I have today.  I love working with them.. Specially after all the  dirt has been removed… not by me but by themselves..

If intentions are good and your purpose is strong and serving your people,  and focussed on business, leadership is strong and un wavering… and all of it majorly because of the support of a strong, high achieving individuals , every 30 plus of them… who make every moment I spend at work… very enriching… I could not have overcome my challenges without their support… and for that I am thankful… and I hope I have their continued support…

Its easy being a manager but to be a leader… and that too without a title… is what I want to be….

Workwise, I feel I have grown in one year what I would have grown in 3 years.  So well no regrets only gratefulness…

2011 also saw me reflecting on my friends… some which I wanted to keep some which I wanted to just let go.. Like everything, somethings just are not meant to be… and no matter how hard one tries.. it is just ok to let it hang in that period of time where it is supposed to be…the memory is loved and respected… I felt this year that in many ways, moving on has finally a meaning..

I used to always think… what is so big deal about moving on… why cant I have my past as well as my present and create my  future… well, not with everything..

Today I know that to me is that what importance I gave in the past and what served me very well before does not serve me at all..

It sounds selfish when put like that… but in a weird way it makes sense..

Like in learning,  I started with learning COBOL.. and C and C++ and though I dont use the learning always stands me in good stead.. does not mean, I will start programming in COBOL…

So yes, I have some really good friends who I can reach out too for which I am grateful and resolved some questions of the not so really required souls… wishing them well and moving on… it feels free…

I cherish, the lunches and coffees with friends. I always feel empowered meeting like minded souls from whom I draw so much inspiration. I would love to have more souls like them in my life..  I do feel thankful for their presence … everyday..  good friends are always there… no questions asked… and that’s the most valuable thing I cherish..

On my spiritual journey, I thought 2011 taught me lesson via the very mundane… it was the keyword…. what I would not give  importance to made me use my focus on every small moments of thoughts and my inner focus had me observe the same with great interest… thus giving simplicity a new meaning..

Completed my NLP Master Practitioner Workshop finally. I was actually thinking, my silly requirements which needed to be fulfilled would not help me make it.. but it did.  I loved the learnings and its a beautiful technique, which I would like to explore more..

Tolerance was another lesson which I like to think I am learning.. And its nice being still and letting behaviours evolve around me and I focus only on what is the positive intention… thus finding the route of Karma as well.. If one sees the positive intention behind a particular behaviour, its easy to be compassionate and removes the feeling of judgement and ego and provides a very objective.understanding.. However, I realised this but practising this is not easy… but not impossible either…  The good part is that its easy to move on… with much more useful things in life..

Looking forward to discovering more and more and sharing the same here.. in this space this year. Have some objectives which I want to achieve. Hopefully it will be fulfilled..

And last but not the least, I am glad the last year, I spent minimum time online and maximum time offline..  In fact I am getting more and more detached with Facebook and Twitter and prefer rambling in my space..  maybe this would be the year, I would delete my Facebook account altogether..  LOL .. Social presence is not all great as its made up to be. I would like to be anonymous as well.

I achieved a lot of reading in 2011. In fact I think  I did a lot of that..  Its a different world I can escape to… anytime…

Loads of souls passing on the last year.. hope it will be better.. this year around..

Among many things, I think that it has been a very interesting year…

Looking forward to more writing and more reading…. and here I am …. opening my doors to opportunity… life… possibilities….creation… love…. compassion… wisdom… knowledge… joy…. contentment….

Thought I would pen down my thoughts in random too..

1. A change in consciousness, a change in fortune, a change in everything good or bad.. everyone is talking about today but heck, do we need for a 11.11.11 to actually see change.. change is always happening inside..  Its been a beautiful day… just like any other beautiful day and I loved the sunshine after the chilly morning… rest is all past…
2. Winter is here… and though getting up in the morning and going for my run is getting difficult I still love winter.. Discovered the joy of running… so late… I wish I did it earlier…
3. Was keenly following the gruesome murder of Keenan and Reuben… It was so horrifying… So much violence… what is the need.. for it.. yet for some its normal… huh !!  Wish they were smarter !!  But I ask myself what would I do if my son or daughter or my husband were at risk… wouldn’t I not do the same as Keenan… ?? I ask myself… and I receive a fearful answer…
4. Inaction is the worst form of corruption… in my mind…
   Restrictions have so taught me how to do with less.. No I, the wolf,  have not yet reached the stage to jump out of the restrictive boundaries…. right now I am sniffing my boundaries…
5. Sometimes, its helpless to see souls doing the same mistakes inspite of showing them the big picture… what does it take for a soul to understand that certain actions will always bear unpleasant results… and yet one plods on.. and yet I have to stand by and see that soul plod on and hope with hope that this one learns faster than its needed..
6. There is something positive in the air… and maybe its nothing… even with all the flatness of being… I still see a curve… it just is waiting to manifest… so many possibilities..
7. I lost another 2 kgs… I need to lose 5 more.. Feeling hopeful…  Ignoring comments of my friends telling me my face is growing longer… Ahem… Ok I do not understand that… either I am getting thinner or my face is getting longer.. I just hope the former is more visible.. LOL.. Maybe I need the much required haircut… this long hairdo not happening.. I like things square like my face… long is not symmetrical… LOLOLOL..
8. Dad is going back home.. to Assam soon and I already am missing him.. Maybe having only one parent the focus of love is much more condensed… and well, shame on me… but attachment creeps in.. I am giving it all the love and letting it go… knowing he is always a part of me as I am a part of him and I will see him soon enough.. still I will miss him… his little thoughtful actions which make my life so smooth… thank you Dad… Only I know how much of a pillar of support you have been to me… Maybe you do too but you would think its natural… I would think I am blessed… Winter now in Shillong… ummmmm
9. I have a garden to tend.. Dad’s legacy as he is going back to Assam.. Now I carry on his legacy of loving the green chillies, the random tomatoes, the tulsi tree, the greens and my own first love, The growing Azalea, The yellow Hibiscus and the list goes on… I love each of the  plants and its weird how only now, I understand my Dad’s nurturing hobby. I am the rich owner of some really nifty tips which are like gold to me on plants..
10. Have a vision of a retreat coming up soon. Dont know where and when. Just know it will happen. Tibet is in my dreams..  Potala palace in particular..
11. Still searching for the purpose of the moment that I am frozen in.. is it a test ? Is it a challenge ? I take it as a Wait..for the gateway of blissful joy to open up.. I am waiting..

The latest ( What one important thing that you have learnt from your friend/friends ? Why was it important for you ?  ) had me thinking. Friends are a very important part of my life… specially souls who always bring out the best in me… and helps me bring out the best in them… its a beautiful part of humanity, good friendship which can span across miles and lifetimes…

Some friendships lost in time, some friendships found over time, some friendships just do not continue after a while, and some friendships take seconds… and can touch for a lifetime… anyway… so yeah its a nice thought to do a flashback and see what I learnt from my friendships..

What’s one important thing that you have learned from your friend/friends? Why was it important to you?

So the question which made me think was yes… what better way to express my gratefulness and gratitude to my friends..

My first friend.. – Rajni Rao

I was 5-6 yrs I think.. Our very first tenant moved in to our house and she brought in a whole new world of experience to my limited 6 year old world… She was a ” Madrasi”. We knew all South Indians in North East as Madrasis but well now I can proudly tell you the specifics, She was a Telegu and she had 2 sisters above her. She was my age well 1 or 2 years older than me and more worldly wise than me of course…   She taught me many things.. how to be naughty… this I learnt by just modelling her sub-consciously…but the most important thing I learnt was the fun for colors and the art of stealing…hahaha ..  I can never forget that… Red and Green Sketchpens…I just loved the way red and green moved.. on the paper.. it was like a miracle… I was so enamoured and fascinated by the world of sketch pens that I entreated my father for the same and he refused saying it was not time for sketch pens.. and I needed to be older or some logic parents use when parents use while denying it something meant for later…

So well, my 6 yr old brain plotted, dreamt, how to get them sketch pens… and finally I stole it and was obviously caught and felt humiliated not because I stole it but because I was caught …. and I had to part with my red and green sketch pens…. and yeah..

My dad immediately got me 2 packets of sketch pens… and I got over my obsession very quickly…  and thus started my love for colors…  and the friendship also lasted a long time… I learnt dance with her… had loads of fun with her being naughty… I was never the same again…

It was like from a baby, I passed to being a girl a very naughty girl…

Lesson : Stealing is bad for me… specially being caught… and Red and Green are a beautiful combination and colors filled my world.. Thanks to Rajni Rao

The Bully.

It was around that time as well that school was an integral part of my small life.. and I had this “friend” who would inevitably bully all girls… and he loved it… his speciality was undoing my two pigtails of which I was quite proud of since, I tied them up myself.. and I was proud of the fact that it was in one straight line not like one pigtail up and one pigtail down… So when he undid my pigtails almost everyday, I was like frustrated.. as to what to do.. I was a single kid and did not know how to fight… but interestingly, he made my mind very alert and I was having like eyes at the back of my head… to know when he was coming to bully me… Then I devised a sneaky way… I had a devious mind… even then… hahahaha

I remember avoiding him and when I could not, I complained to “miss” and when that increased the bullying, I decided, well this is it, I will bully him back… I remember I used to make him run… till he was tired or till our class bell rang… it was fun… hiding and evading him… ( a mini bourne supremacy going on there) hahahah !!

And just like that, I got double promotion and he was away from my class.. Phew.. and I could be a senior and his term as a co-ed ended and he had to be transferred to an all boys school..

Actually I liked him because he was very lively but if he just could stop the pigtail part… he would have been a great playmate.. but NO… he did not care… it was his mission everyday to undo as many pigtails as possible…

Lesson : Subashish taught me how to remain alert and how to develop the art of evasion and get away without being caught.. Also lessons on self preservation… when all else fails… buhahaha

Priyabika Lauti

Well I was in my early teens and I had some really cool friends to hang out with.. One such woman was Priyabika Lauti. She just joined our class and we connected very quickly. It was one of those warm connected feeling between friends where you accept everything that is there and welcome the other into the well known space as we have welcomed each other in  many lifetimes..

She was beautiful and graceful and very popular.. specially among boys.. and she loved herself… and the world.. and though it was not my world by then but I stepped in and it was fun… the discovery of our being a girl and our so called powers.. she would also give me tips as to how to carry myself.. and figure out when boys were interested or when they were not… I was impressed and well we were quite thick… She was on a transfer and was an army brat.. but what a fun brat.

We used to do slam books, could talk for hours and still not be satisfied..

Of course, suddenly I was away from my routine friends and they would wonder why I would hang out with her but I was clear… I liked hanging out with her.. so much to learn… everyday was a surprise… we could talk about so many things… and more..

And we laughed a lot… she made me laugh…

As usual, all good things come to an end.  Her Dad got transferred and we just spent 2 years.. or 3 I donot remember exactly but it was short and her going away… brought in a big vaccum in my life… such as the going away of a good friend brings…

We kept in touch over letters.. we exchanged photos and last I knew that she was an airhostess.. and while I was writing this para.. I searched Google for her and just now, the shocking news of her passing away in an air crash.. in 05 September 1999

Necon air’s Avro, coming from Pokhara, crashed Sunday morning on
a hill west of Kathmandu. The plane was minutes away from
landing at the Kathmandu airport.

According to eye-witnesses the plane’s left wing had hit the
antenna mast of a telecommunications tower before it plunged to the
ground killing all 15 people on board. Among the victims were
three Nepalese, seven Indians and five crew members.

Those who died are: V.J.Vij, Anita Vij, A.Surekha, A.Lyangdoh,
R.Islam and S. Ahmed, all Indians. The Nepalese passengers are
Prajapati Prasai, Yogendra Bhattarai and Sita Bhattarai and the
crew members are captain Jaya Krishnaraj Joshi,  co-pilot
Sharmila Gurung, trainee co-pilot Anuraj Samsher Rana and air
hostesses Ranjana Tamang and Priya Lawati.

________________________________________________

 

One of the victims Priyabika Lauti was a young
person in her mid-20s . . . so full of warmth,
humor and friendliness.

She was well-known in Kathmandu’s art-gallery
circles because of her extensive coverage
of various artworks in Kathmandu-based
Spotlight newsweekly in ’94 and ’95.

May her soul rest in peace!

I felt that she would be in the net, she was a natural social networker… and was a good writer as well…

I am still deeply stirred inside… all the more to write this post…  She has always been in the fringes of my mind… but it took a post to discover that she is no more.. such is life… sigh…

Lesson : She taught me self-confidence, a sense of beauty, dressing sense,  humor, networking, warmth, lot of warm hugs… and she had a beautiful smile which would light up all our insides… very lively person… I was a much more confident and she left me with the awareness of being a lady and how I could feel comfortable with that and how could I forget the discovery of the world of  boys… hahahah… I loved her art of flirting… with everything… never could get that… for myself..

( I am so feeling bittersweet now…)

This post is getting longer than I planned.. Will try and make it short … want to complete the list..

Betrayal 

After Priyabika, I decided to have a balance of friends all over… so mingled with many… and avoided being specially close to anyone.. Still I used to fall for the underdog even then… I got into another friendship with the aim of helping that soul, to the extent of lending her my pocket money and standing up for her against many odds, but it was like a movie… hahahahah now that I remember.. to make it short,  I think she was a first great teacher,  I learnt my biggest lesson there… of life… and my principles started forming.. just as it does when one has encounters of the unpleasant kind… and your bubble just bursts… .. so many boundaries and lines were crossed that it was like the extreme of how one can take advantage of friendship…. a classic tale hahaahah

Lesson : There is dignity in being betrayed… Silence is the best solution. Pain can be hard… specially with one’s investing so much time and love… between each other… it was a result of my idiot compassion for her… LOL.. now I know.. wish I had that knowledge then… could have spared myself so much pain.. and fighting for the totally wrong cause.. but I guess then I would not have grown… the way I did …. it was easy after that to maintain my space most of the time… and not suffer fools gladly.. made me more independent… and bolder inside… to be me…

D – my most tender hearted experience.

1990 – Shillong

Working through social prejudices and slowly seeing my a strong soul losing its brightness due to illness and then bouncing back… I have written about this dear friend before and she still holds a beautiful place in my heart. She is one dear to me.. She also played an interesting role in building intense compassion for the suffering and also the frustration of being helpless… I never felt so helpless in my life… except for this period in my life… but I am glad that phase is over as well… and all is well..

Lesson : Patience and striving to fight all odds and just living the best you can with all that is happening and the best is yet to come…

Madhusudhan

1997-1998 – Bangalore

A friend I met while learning Deutsch, in Max Mueller Bhavan. He was funny and tall dark and handsome dude and a very nice friend. He was into martial arts and I could discuss my thoughts and experiences of the supernatural kind very easily with him. It was because of him I met the next beautiful friend of mine. Whenever I think of him even now, he is one of the wholesome souls I met.

Thanks Madhu for guiding me when I needed the most.. specially introducing me to Usha..  The lesson will last many lifetimes, I am sure…

Usha

Year 1999 – and still going strong..

My Guru, My friend, My guide, I love this soul. She removed all illusions inside me and helped me rebuild myself into the soul that I was meant to me… to follow my own drumbeat under her tender and firm guidance… and though, I wander on my own now… I know she is so much in me…. lifetime after lifetime… And when I had NO one to support me, this beautiful soul just gave her all, when I needed the most, cannot forget that… lines are too little, thank you is too little.. I just am so grateful,  I came across her…

Lesson : Cannot be counted… but let me see… unconditional love, total surrender, rituals, practice, spirituality, perseverance, never give up, awareness of self.. and yeah living my purpose in life… she has been my turning point… and still is.. there is no end with this beautiful connection.

Susan

2001 and still going strong

The lady with the gorgeous smile and so much love again that I cannot seem to carry it sometimes… I have written about her too..

We had similar journeys in life and that made us bond more I think but she is still the one that I look to when I need to talk and share.. I could never find someone who could just give so much… at such a young age…

Lesson: The art of receiving, warm hugs, the almost dying art of gifting each other greeting cards and writing so many things inside.. each card is precious even now, the art of personalising friendship, so many things but just the art of loving each other just because we are… and the most precious art of living through whatever comes, no matter what… leaning on each other… in some way and yes the importance of honesty and the beautiful meaning of giving each other space, watching each other making a mistake and then enveloping each other in our essence when we fall… that’s the most beautiful thing.. 

Well there are many more… some friends who have had equally intense influence.. but I am still figuring what to take in what not to… and those are not yet ready to be put into words… but they know who they are..

there are others.. who have had their impressions in some way or the other… but the ones I wrote about are the lasting ones… that will last me lifetimes.. and which have given me more than I could give back unconditionally … and expect nothing back… the ones that keep driving me towards living my purpose… moment to moment… and I am humbled and grateful for the very same, only I think I know just how much…

The above is just some thoughts which I feel holds good now, this can change based on what passes on..

What is your 10 things that you know to be true ?

And my prayers for them in their next journey..

Jagjit Singh whose soulful voice took me back into different lifetimes and beautiful scenes and emotions.

Shammi Kapoor who would light up any ambience with sheer life..

Steve Jobs was a fascinating soul who I always used to observe from afar… following him online.. but the one which most touched me was his lecture to the students in Stanford University which says a lot of where his purpose was driving him and how.. It is so profound that his words have been echoing in the recesses of my mind for some time.

Couple of quotes which resonates within me very strongly.

You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Reminds me of The Buddha who I have grown to love and asimilate in essence… slowly.. at least attempting  to…

Death is the only permanent thing in life.. Everything else is temporary.. If you live well, you will die well…. Define your purpose and pave your path… it gives a very important push to align my priorities in order…

Sometimes, my close friends and loved ones ask me to compromise… and to do a certain thing in a certain way…

And I think to myself… if it was my last day… how would I do things… yep… that really makes me work with compassion and yeah measure on my compromise.. Compromise is not a best friend of mine… but I have a wary relationship with it..

So today I have been thinking on how we keep thinking of always “trying to do the right thing”

Again one of Job’s statements come to mind… to keep things simple.. which is more difficult than anything.. then its easy..

Many a times, I face aspects at job or life which leads me to many gray areas… and it still sometimes takes me sometime to get into a natural mode of doing the right thing.. I search now how to keep it as simple as possible.. even though the mind always likes to complicates things..

I still get stuck between either stimulus or response to stimulus.. and then have to step back to choose the in between path and respond from an objective self. I am trying to get that to a natural skill where I do not have to think too much..

Well, sometimes, we work in automation when we have to DO THE RIGHT THING when our value systems are in sync..

When I was a kid,  doing the right thing meant I had to be within boundaries.

All rules were laid out and well as long as my conscience  was fine, I was fine breaking it and that started my belief that Breaking Rules is a way of actually testing my own boundaries of how far I could stretch the concept of doing the right thing…  It was fun when I was a teen… I could get away with it.

But as I moved on, the lines blurred between rights and wrongs.. and the one way which drew the line was intense suffering which I had to go through due to certain actions or inactions… and maybe one would call them lessons in golden platter… but life.. its so wonderful, it has a speciality in serving more lemons when you made a lemonade of it…

So “doing the right thing” for me needs lot of consistence and commitment and yeah core belief alignment

Being in an organization : is determined by if I enjoy or love what I am doing… and bring in benefits and get benefits..

Being with someone : is determined by the fact if we exchange warmth, unconditional love and just pure sharing of selves… internal and external… all without validations.. or rules.. but just being in the moment together with lot of awareness…

Friends : definitely again based on value systems definition which makes the friendships stronger

So looking back, I now find that its very easy to do the right thing if one focusses on one’s core values…

What do you stand for ? What values do your represent and cannot do without ? Its very important…

That is an important factor which makes me quietly confident in being content with what decision I make… even if its sometimes the wrong one.. or a losing one..

My losses have always given me great gains… and today I reflect upon them..

• Willing to voluntary NOT get into medicine or engg like my many friends…. brought me to the wonderful world of IT and its possibilities, enabled me to push my limits.. 
• Quitting a self debilitating relationship which I thought was my lifeline, made me get into a worse possible relationship which actually shaped the woman in me and today, I am in a no compromise a relationship of choice.
• Quitting my first job because they would not pay me for the double role that I was playing.. was so painful since I had so many friends and security…  but it took me to a path of adventure of getting into a totally new technology and the world of encryption. 
• Layoff time, I see my friends getting laid off. And the way it was done, it was very unethical… at least thats what my value system said… And thinking upon it, without a job in hand, I quit… as it went against me to work for an organisation who would treat their employees in such a dispassionate manner…Specially when I asked if my name was on it and they refused to tell me anything about it..  that was it… it was a very quick decision… made with some nervousness but firmness… and yes where employees were given 2 month severance pay, I had to pay to get off the job… it was tough at that point but I don’t regret it. … And Lo and Behold !! I got a wonderful job where my learning curve knew no bounds… it was an amazing phase… that too when the stakes were totally down and recession time… 

There are many more striking points …. in different aspects of my life which kept telling me that as long as I was true to my values and beliefs, I was always going to do the right thing…

Even if it meant that I am losing everything at that moment… LOL… but the choice has to be always be a well accepted one…. Acceptance comes when one is in sync with one’s values…

Doing the right thing… Lets DO…. rather than talk more about it..  (still learning though)